It’s difficult in this day and age to be a parent. Whether you are a single mom or have a traditional marriage or companion, adding kids to the mix makes life more complicated and time-consuming. There is soccer practice, baseball practice, after school clubs and activities; not to mention homework, making dinner, packing lunches, taking a bath or shower and getting everyone to bed at a reasonable hour. How did the 50’s generation moms handle it all? Life was easier then and it was assumed the mother took care of everything. Now, as the twenty-first century unfolds, parents’ roles have changed and the children are sometimes “managed” by nannies, housekeepers, au pairs or a babysitter. Mom and dad are just not around as much and the practical approach in many families is to outsource some help. It’s great for the parents, but does the whole family suffer because of less interaction with each other? It depends on how it is handled in your family.
As the owner of an in-home tutoring service, (and a parent of a second and fifth grader) I have visited well over 1,000 homes and met families with children in need of tutoring. At least 75% of the time a tutor is being hired because the parents don’t have the time to sit with their child and assist with homework or they don’t know how. Some of the parents I meet are brilliant individuals, but math has changed since the 1950’s, writing is essential to pass the SAT verbal portion and the high school exit exam, and who knew what study skills were when we were kids? We have tutored four-year-olds competing to get into a private kindergarten as well as high school kids who are applying to the best colleges in the country. Not only do these families hire my service for their teenagers, but it is common to hire a College Counselor whose function is to assist in the entire college application process – which is cumbersome and complicated. I have also had parents willing to pay me just to bring a tutor in to just oversee all homework, five days a week and sometimes weekends. It is disheartening to talk to a child who obviously needs more attention at home. Their grades are suffering because their self-esteem is terrible. When I ask mom and/or dad simple questions like, do you read to your first-grader every night and the child answers no, they aren’t home when I go to bed, it is very sad. When I ask, if the parent has asked the school to test their child for a learning disability, if it is apparent to me that the child is too far behind in class and may have a more serious problem other than just not caring about school and the parents tell me they don’t have time to go to the school in the middle of the day, warning lights flash. Are these parents lazy or shrewd?
Based on my eight years of being a tutor broker, matching tutors with kids, here are some essential questions for a parent to ask themselves before they hire outside help of any kind.
1) How many hours a week do you spend with your children?
If the answer is “not many” or less than two hours a day, something has to give. Children need to interact with their parents, especially if they are in middle or high school. Your involvement in their life is essential to assure them that you not only care about what they are doing, but that you are aware of who their friends are and where they hang out after school and on weekends. Teenagers will act like they don’t need you, but they do, more than ever. Try keeping track for two weeks of how many hours you are together. Are those hours spent talking to them, eating dinner together as a family, going somewhere with them or just being in the same house and not communicating? If it is the later, schedule time on your calendar to be with your children, the dividends are huge!
2) Is your child’s life overscheduled with activities?
It’s easy to sign up your child for art classes, baseball, swimming, gymnastics – the list is never-ending of choices that children have today. Excessive participation in extra-curricular activities can spell disaster for some children, especially if there is no scheduled time for homework or just relaxing. I have seen many families who wanted to use our services, however, when it came down to when can the tutor come, there was only one or two hours a week that the individual was available for tutoring. Sometimes this was due to the kids’ schedule being ridiculously busy, but oftentimes it was due to the fact that a parent was not home – and we require an adult to be home for every tutoring session. The responsibility is the parents’ to be sure there is some free time after school. It is the rare child who can attend school all day, go to some kind of sports practice until 7:00 p.m., or stay at after school care until 6:00 or 6:30 p.m., come home, eat dinner and then be expected to do their homework. It just doesn’t work.
3) If it is impossible to rearrange your schedule to be home at a reasonable hour and you do have a nanny or other caregiver, how is the communication between you and them?
Let’s face it, in order to make a living; sometimes both parents have to work outside the home. In a single parent arrangement, it is overwhelming enough to have children, be the sole caregiver and be there for your kids every day by 4:00 p.m. The quality of the person you depend on to be there for you must be top-notch and they must communicate with you so you know what is happening with your children when you are not there. I have met many nannies, au pairs and personal assistants who were fabulous with the children. They knew their strengths and weaknesses and had control of what was going on in the home. It was obvious that the parents carefully selected who was going to be in charge of their kids when they could not. When I went to the home to meet the parent and child, the caregiver was always present at our meetings, so I could meet her/him and know that they would be present during tutoring time. The parents who ask me to have the tutor communicate directly with them, too, if there ever was a problem, always impressed me.
Providing children with enrichment of any kind is always a plus. Hiring someone to do what you are not good at or don’t have time for is smart. However, outsourcing because you are too busy with your own extra-curricular activities such as the tennis or golf league or spending every night at work because you don’t want to deal with the kids, is not a good strategy. Children benefit from learning to be independent of their parents at the appropriate age. Having a seven or eight year old come home everyday with a nanny and not see you until 8:00 p.m. when they are probably exhausted and ready for bed is damaging. Having disposable income to be able to give your kids positive experiences like being on a club soccer or baseball team or having private piano lessons or any kind of tutoring is a gift for them. Your involvement in other ways, even if it’s just being there to talk to your teenage about their day or reading to your elementary kids before they go to bed with reap very positive rewards for everyone.
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Laurie Hurley is President of Bright Apple Tutoring Service, Inc., a home-based business that services the San Fernando Valley, North Los Angeles County and all of Ventura County. Laurie is an educational consultant and has met more than 1,000 families and helped them arrange the appropriate educational help for their children. She is a strong advocate for learning challenged students. Laurie is also Founder & President of Home Tutoring Business, a complete business package that teaches you how to establish a tutoring referral service in your community. She worked for over twenty years outside her home before having children. Laurie has written articles for Woman’s World Magazine, Family Circle, Redbook and Entrepreneur on various issues relating to education, parenting and small business ownership. For more information about Bright Apple Tutoring or to purchase a Home Tutoring Business, contact Laurie at www.hometutoringbusiness.com. Free to reprint article as long as bio remains intact. |
